It's 12.25am, and I have to be awake in exactly 6 hours...most of you who know me know that I don't function well on less than 8 so we'll just start there, and in case this starts to sound like the rant of a lunatic then let's just chalk it up to "if I wasn't a lunatic now, I definitely will be tomorrow since I didn't get the required amount of sleep". So anyway, I think I've lost my mojo. And when I mean mojo, I don't mean it in the Austin Power's kind of way. I mean the normal, what happened to my get up and go, my zest, my pep, my...mojo.
Sorry. It's 12.28am. See above.
Here's my theory on what's happened to my mojo. I do too much. I have a weird and utterly compulsive tendency to fill my life with busy-ness to the point of madness, and then I completely lose it when I realize there really is not time enough to work 3 jobs, write blogs and books, cook yummy food, run ten miles a day, become a yoga master, keep a tidy house, and have a life. Frankly, I need to simplify. But how does one do this when everything seems so important? I don't want to give up the things I love doing, but can't manage to do the things I love without thinking about all of the other things I should be doing.
In other news, we went to see Danny Boyle's interpretation of Frankenstein last night at the National Theatre and I was so moved by the raw talent on stage I left wondering how exactly do people (actors) become so brave as to flail themselves around a spinning stage totally naked and in front of 500 perfect strangers? The play was totally mind blowing and made me feel more alive than I have in a long time...but what really struck me was the fearlessness of the actors. Their complete lack of self-consciousness was extraordinary and I left thinking they must all know some big secret the rest of us are missing...like how to "really live". But what it really boils down to is I was left thinking "how can I really live with such fearless abandon?"
And no, I'm definitely not taking up amateur dramatics, I have quite enough to do already. Thankyouverymuch.
But I'm not writing this post because I've come to any earth shattering conclusions on how to really live. Mostly, I'm writing this post because I'm thinking about it, and if I continue to think about it for any longer the 5.5 hours I have left to sleep will quickly diminish and tomorrow, I could probably give Benedict Cumberbatch a run for his money in playing the role of Creature.
And in closing, I just so happen to have a cute little calendar on my desk that sits just within view spouting lovely little quips about how to live your life...and this month's quip just so happens to be...Sqeeze every moment out of life...except when you don't feel like squeezing, then it's OK to sit quietly on the sofa.
I'll be on the sofa if anyone needs me.