I was made redundant in March. Not only was I made redundant but the record label I built from the ground up, worked at for 6 years, the one I gave blood (on many occasions, more on that later), buckets of sweat, and rivers of tears closed and I became...a housewife. Don't get me wrong, housewives are totally awesome. And I am so lucky to have a husband that takes such excellent care of me that I have the time to focus on what I want to do next. But...as an almost thirty something career person working in the industry of (my previous) dreams, I'm telling you, loud and clear this is a HUGE change. Not only that, but I've never been made redundant, fired, or even failed any tests in my entire life. Have I mentioned that I'm a Virgo here before? Oh. I have.
I have no idea how exactly one deals with the emotional fallout from such a life-changing event. I am stuck in two minds, on one hand I have been longing to be free from the shackles of the music industry for a long time. I have far too much self-doubt to be surrounded by such a male-dominated and ego-centric industry. In particular, the dance music world is all about who you know, who you party with, who you shag, and what kind of life you are willing to sacrifice to ensure your success. For years, I put in so much effort, maybe double that to my male counterparts in order to prove that I was good enough, worthy enough to make it in the industry despite my lack of appropriate genitalia. For years, Spin Out was a successful label and a musical force to be reckoned with, but personally I have struggled with everything from being mistaken for the DJs girlfriend, the PR girl, and pretty much anything other than the actual label manager. I like to think I have a hefty sense of feminism about me and despite all of my best efforts to not let the blatant sexism bother me, being overlooked for men really starts to lose its appeal after awhile.
On the other hand, Spin Out was my baby. I nurtured it from the very first record and I have had a hand in every single thing the label has done (good and bad) over the past six years. Lets just say, it was a huge part of not only me but my identity in the world. Working in the music industry was what I came to England to do. And I did it. And it was really hard. Frankly, its a miracle I don't have a hernia, an ulcer, or worse. And most of the people I know are DJs, or promoters, or producers, or some combination of the above. Does this mean I have to change all of my friends? Jamie and I started dating at almost the exact same time the label was launched so it inevitably became part of Jamie's life by proxy. In all the time we've been together Spin Out has taken over our weekends, holidays, and nights out. The label has been entwined in almost every part of my life for the better part of a decade and I am still unsure what life will be like without it. Even two months down the line it seems unfathomable that its all over and I am a new person. Or am I?
So what is life like without Spin Out? Well...I cook a lot of food. I eat a lot of food. I do a lot of laundry. I do a lot of running. I do a lot of vacuuming. I take a lot of pictures. Today I am going to organize my closet. And tonight I will probably re-organize the kitchen. Sound like your dream job? Well, sure I don't have to get up and go to the office anymore. But I also don't get to buy my own shoes. And this is a very big deal for me.
On that note, I am off to bake some Coconut Rolls. You can read about them here tomorrow.
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